Pickled Jalapeno Peppers

I actually feel bad writing this now because I haven't eaten these yet. They're sitting in my fridge (because I'm paranoid about my cupboard since there was no water bath afterward) waiting for me to decide they're ready (Apparently it only takes a week, and these only last a few months, so the window of opportunity is small for so many jalapenos). They're also waiting for me to finish eating my pickled red chilies, my Sriracha chili sauce, and my most recent Indian pickled jalapenos. Why open yet another beautiful pickle when I'm not ready for it and its life becomes shortened by letting it breathe? That would feel awfully gluttonous, well, as far as brine-pickled jalapenos can be considered gluttonous. I mean, come on, it's not as if there's a pound of butter and cream in there; the chilies aren't going to go to my waist.

Take a second here to picture that...chilies going to your waist. Someone could then nibble my waist and their mouth would burn. It would be a sign...whether they liked chilies or not would be an important moment. Nevermind why that person would be nibbling my waist in the first place. One of these days I'll learn to be a romantic and less...unique (I hate the word "weird"). Maybe.

One quick note on the recipe: It comes from David Lebovitz via Michael Ruhlman and Michael Symon, three food writing greats. The last paragraph of Lebovitz's intro to the recipe made me stop for a second and think about life...

He says he keeps Ruhlman and Symon's book on his bedside table to read at night,

"kinda like “normal” people make, say…fiction or biographies their bedside reading. Or keep their refrigerator stocked with things like milk, vegetables, eggs, and other necessities…instead of cramming it full of pickles."

Yup, you should see my fridge, David. I completely understand. It's ridiculous. My roommate is silently fuming that there's no room for his food because there are jars everywhere - labled yet mysterious jars filled with strange things. One by one they disappear, only to be replaced by my next pickled concoction...

Pickled Jalapeños

Adapted from Live to Cook by Michael Symon and Michael Ruhlman

1 pound (450g) fresh jalapeno peppers, washed

2 1/2 cups (625ml) water
2 1/2 cups (625ml) vinegar

3 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons coarse salt, such as kosher
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons whole coriander seeds
3 cloves garlic, peeled
2 tablespoons black peppercorns

1. Sterilize a bunch of jars (estimate: five 250mL jars) and rings. Wash them with the lids in hot, soapy water, and the put the rings and jars in the oven at 220 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 minutes. Or put them in water covered by 2 inches, bring the water to a boil, and boil 20 minutes. The oven is less of a hassle.

2. Stab each pepper three times with a sharp paring knife and place them in the sterilized jars (use tongs to move the jars around and take them out of the oven, and use chopsticks to stick the jalapenos in the jars. I removed the stems because they take up valuable space, and I think I even stripped out the seeds. That was such a long jalapeno seed-stripping day. You should skip that step and just cut off the tops)

3. In a non-reactive saucepan, bring the other ingredients to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for five minutes.

          4. Bring a small pot to a simmer and then reduce the heat to very low. Add the jar lids for 5 minutes or until you're ready for them.

          5. Remove the brine from the heat and pour over the peppers in their jars. Push the peppers down with the chopsticks to make sure you get any air bubbled out and squish the chilies in as much as possible. Wipe the rims down with clean paper towels (no touching with fingers!). Place the lid on the jars, twist on the rings and let cool. Once cool, refrigerate for at least a week before using, if possible. (You can use them sooner, but Michael says they’re worth the wait. If Michael says, then who am I to argue? So I wait. Thank goodness I learned patience with ginger confit, but that was just 5 days.)

Now the things is, as I said, these only last a few weeks! So I have a lot of pickles to get through and some friends to make with some timely gifts. Any takers? Otherwise they're going straight to my hips.